Friday, June 19, 2009

Relationships

So, talking with my mom today, I started to realize that choosing to follow God's Will is truly looked at as a "restriction." I mean, I know that people think it's antiquated to reserve sex for the maritial relationship and to refrain from engaging in pornography of any sort, etc. But, still. It never ceases to amaze me that people without religion really and truly believe that those of us WITH religion seem to be holding ourselves back from something better. They have no clue that we have, indeed, found that "something better" in God.

When you suggest to someone that they ought to consider abstaining from a sexual relationship until they are wedded, they look at you as if you've just told them to eat brains or something. It boggles their mind. I've heard all the excuses, too...

1. What if I'm not happy with that part of our lives and I don't know until we're married, then what?

2. I'm not a child, I don't need to place those restrictions on myself.

3. I think it's perfectly healthy to have a good sex life. You don't need to be married.

4. As long as it's with someone you love, then it's ok.

Wow...I guess God really is lost on most of us. Granted, I went through my denial about it, as well. But I always knew it wasn't right. That intimate moment, that level of sharing should be reserved for one and only one person. I wish I had adhered to that way of thinking earlier in my life. Things would have been much, much simpler and probably, happier. But, at least I did learn from my past. I can now see the "lack" of freedom those choices afforded me.

Sleeping with someone who is not your husband only creates an unnatural vulnerability. There's an anxiety that can appear that actually consumes you. Once you've reached that level of closenes with someone, things change. Neither of you are the same. And, if you've given into it without any concept of what it really means, then it's an empty thing...something for your flesh and you miss the true beauty of it. Sure, it can be pleasurable without love, commitment and the bond of marriage. Of course. Otherwise, it wouldn't be so darn tempting, now would it?

However, what happens later? What happens to our self worth and esteem when we start adding up our partners? How do we feel later when, yet again, another relationship fails? You gave away something that person and now, they're going to share it with someone else. You now move onto the next thing and hope for the best. But, how free do you feel? Are we so insecure that we think no one will want us unless we are sexual? Is that what we've all become?

I recall that just prior to dating my husband, I had become fed up. Fed up with feeling like a doll that always had to be pretty and sexy. And, a doll that someone was always trying to undress. It drove me mad. What about me? What am I to you when it's just me, in sweatpants and no makeup? What then? What about when it's just the two of us - are we talking or just filling dead space?

My husband reminded me that relationships were meant to be special. That our bodies were meant to be treasured and respected. Now, we did not abstain always, but we did for some time. Talking about it later, we wish we had abstained. But, to be fair, we did abstain once we were engaged until our wedding night. It doesn't make our path the right one, but at some point we did realize that we should be waiting. Backwards, I know.

I wish more people would consider abstinence. Think of all the unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and general anxiety and low self worth we could avoid. I remember to before I was sexually active. There was an incredible confidence about me. There was a certain power in knowing that special part of me was being saved for someone worthy. We should treat our purity as a great gift and carefully select who will receive it. It's completely worth it and had I to do it again, certainly the way I would have proceeded.

Years later and almost 10 years into our marriage, my husband and I have come a long way. Because we took our time getting to know one another in the beginning and choosing to NOT make sex a major factor in our relationship, we now have a wonderful and strong bond. We are best friends and work through our ups-and-downs together...as one. We go through various periods of not being intimate and it's no different than any other point in our lives. We are committed to our marriage regardless of the obstacles. I believe a large part of our success is due to the fact that we not only respect one another, but we also respect our bodies.

Just a little something to think about. It's a hot topic and many people, even some Christians, disagree with my point of view. I hold firmly to this belief, however. The message of abstaining, no matter your age, should be something we advocate and vocalize strongly!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

To Love More Completely

Ok - so this is a short one, but a thought that I felt warranted posting...

I was writing about something else when I realized that my Catholic faith has taught me to love more completely. It's true. I was always a loving person, but there was definitely a limit to my willingness to love and forgive. Now, I know that I am capable of so much more...more than I ever imagined was possible.

In my life, I've experienced quite a bit of pain and sadness. I've had to overcome all of it and am better for it. However, I still carry some of those scars with me. Yes, they've faded, but it's hard to remove them altogether.

That's another area in my life where I realize Catholicism has had an immeasurable impact on my life. As a result of my pain and suffering, I've learned to close people off at a certain point...to get rid of baggage - especially if I perceived a person as hurting me or having the ability to hurt me. Yep, they were out pretty quickly -- OR -- I would find a way to sabotage that relationship so I didn't have to be vulnerable to the pain later. Ugh - silly, I know.

My journey of faith has taught me to rise above the fear and push through it. As a result, I've been able to sustain more long-term relationships, create healthy bonds with friends and family and build an incredibly fulfilling marriage. I owe this to God. It was God who led me on this path and showed me the way. He allowed certain people into my life that had a profound and lasting effect on me. People who are still in my life and people I cherish beyond words. Catholicism "saved" me, basically. It helped me to find the healing I so desperately needed and then, it helped me to find "my way" in this world. Pretty amazing, right? Yeah, I think so, too.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Responsibility and Accountability

I realize that each person is their own barometer when it comes to right and wrong. Meaning that we all have God nudging us one way or the other, but ultimately, we make our own decisions and let the pieces fall where they may. I also am well aware (being a convert) that it is not only the Catholic faith that holds a high standard for morality and justice. However, I do note that since embarking on this journey of faith, I feel that I am more accountable for my actions...a higher sense of responsibility is ever present in my life.

Catholicism is more than going to Mass every week. It's more than prayer and experiencing the Eucharist. It's a way of life...something that is present in your day-to-day life and something that leads you, rather than you leading it. Hard to explain, I know. I'm trying to find the right words to give you a better picture of what I'm thinking. Hmmmm....

It's like before I was Catholic, I understood the basics of things...be nice, do not covet, help those in need, no sex before marriage, yadda-yadda. However, since coming into the Church and even on my journey prior to being Catholic (but in the process) I have found a stronger sense of those very things. I find myself thinking about my faith before I make any decision. It drives me and I cannot fathom making a major or life-changing decision and not including my faith.

The Church teaches us that we must do more than simply accept Christ as our Lord and Savior. We must do more than simply "live a good life" and "be kind." It's about going out into our community and serving others. Not only our neighbors and friends, but complete strangers. It's about serving our spouse, our family and our community. It's about humbling ourselves and remembering that we're "not all that." It's about giving even when it's uncomfortable or inconvenient to do so. It's about putting ourselves out there and not only focusing on OUR needs and OUR wants. Being Catholic brings these things to the forefront each and every day.

I have learned to treasure life more. At the same time, I have to be careful because I also find myself becoming displeased with certain aspects of it to the point of distraction. For instance, I have such a desire to help others that I become distracted during the workday at times. I don't feel as though I'm making a difference and it frustrates me. However, as most of us do, I need my job and it is wise for me to keep that in mind and not discontinue performing well. I realize this, but it still discourages me sometimes when I think of all the things I could do if only I had the time and money. Ah yes, the all-elusive dollar always finds a way in, doesn't it?

It's a struggle that is not uncommon, I'm sure. We all struggle with things. But I must remember and keep in mind that performing poorly at my job will not help anyone. Especially if I were to become so distracted as to lose focus completely, ultimately leading to a dismissal. That would only bring harm upon my own family through stress and the inability to pay bills. Something to certainly keep in mind.

So, what is the solution? I suspect that I need to pray and listen to what GOD wants and stop focusing on my desires. Distraction is just that...distraction...regardless if it's for a good cause. We must all find ways to serve God regardless of our hectic schedules and things that seem to pull us in a million different directions. Difficult, I know. But, I take solace in the little things I can do and hope that at some point in the future, I will be able to do the other things I dream of doing for my community.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Becoming Catholic

Becoming Catholic was quite the journey for me. It wasn't where I thought I'd end up, but it's definitely become the way in which I have most enriched my faith life. Being Catholic is the most beautiful way I can find to love and serve The Lord. Not only in my own, personal, faith life am I fulfilled, but I am also more aware of the trials of those around me. I make a bigger effort to love and to serve. Forgiveness, patience and love are things that I have more of now, as a result of my walk with God in the Catholic faith.


Catholicism is much more than a term...it's more than simply picking a religion. It's a way of life. It's about God and His Will, not your own. It's about looking at ALL people with compassion. It's about finding ways to better serve God by reaching out to one another.


Even our Mass is about Christ from beginning to end. It's not about any one person. No, it's about our Divine Father, the Son and Holy Spirit. From the moment you walk into the Sanctuary until you leave, it's all about our Lord God. It's amazing and such a beautiful way to practice our faith.


I have only been Catholic for a little over a year, but have been attending Catholic Mass for almost 5 years. What a journey.