Conversations

So, talking with friends is always an interesting activity. You never know what will come up and in what direction things will be taken. An evening begins simple enough...go to the gym...hey, let's have dinner after...etc. The two of you are cracking jokes and talking about various things and then, after the evening is over you are left to think about the night.

I find that I learn a lot from my friends. Not only about them and their lives before we knew one another and since, but also about myself. I shouldn't be surprised by this any longer since I am a contemplative person and never can leave a conversation as just that...a conversation. No, I have some insane and deep-seeded desire to go over the conversation once again and think on things further. Even the things that may have seemed insignificant at the time.

My friend and I spoke about so many things. Some were just random, laughable topics that had no purpose other than to crack ourselves up, of course. Others were a real insight into the people we once were...the people who led us here, right to our places at this point in our lives. Ah yes, that's the most interesting stuff of all. Who you were when you felt the rules didn't really apply to you...not quite. Right?

It struck me tonight that my friend and I have a lot more in common than I realized. I knew she and I had very similar personalities and that we love to give each other the worst time. But of course! But, I didn't know some of things she went through with moving, friends and other things. It was such an amazing thing to listen to her speak on those past times. In some places, it was almost as if I were listening to myself. Crazy...I thought there was only one of me! Uh-oh, this may not be the best news for some out there...two of me? Oh dear!

Seriously, it was a great moment. She and I alone. Having a simple dinner and chatting the time away without any effort whatsoever. It was a brilliant exchange of stories and I let her in on some of my almost forgotten past. I think she was also a bit surprised by my "previous life" since I work so hard at living by the rules and walking the line, so-to-speak, nowadays.

At home, thinking on things, I realized that God was at work without us knowing it...yet again. He was there while we laughed and talked to one another. Not as rivals, not with any eye-rolling or "get me outta here" thoughts that girls sometimes think to themselves (yes, we women can be quite catty at times). No, we were two friends who trusted each other. We were at total ease with each other. Comfortable...two women who, in the past, rarely had female friends were sitting across from one other enjoying every moment of conversation.

Another thing that struck me, later, was the wonderful joy of being Catholic. Yes, I realize you already know how I feel about Catholicism, but this was another fantastic moment for me. In discussing my sordid past, I was able to share something imperfect about myself...something very human. I did this without regret, although, I do acknowledge that the way I lived my life at that time was far, far away from good or just or anywhere near right. No, what was wonderful was the fact that I could share it so openly and without chastising myself or fear of being judged. Also, that my friend could share her own human failings without being judged, as well.

Before I became Catholic, it was difficult for me to work to help others through their struggles with sin. Especially, if I was at a point where I was focusing on trying to "walk the line" for myself. At times, it seemed to be about passing judgment onto others for making mistakes...regardless of the fact that it is human to err - not to mention that I, myself, was no angel either. Compassion for others was there, but it had limitations. I was unfair and selfish.

Being Catholic has brought me to a more complete understanding. No, don't get me wrong. I don't rejoice in my sinful past nor do I promote it as, "Well heck, you are human. It's ok to do that." No, that's not what I'm saying. My point is that because I have accepted and dealt with those mistakes through my faith, I don't have to cringe at the mention of them. I no longer carry that burden with me ever place I go. I can talk about it with a friend to share something that we may have in common...something that might help a friend feel more comfortable talking with me about their own frailty. Something we ALL struggle with daily. It's a way to put our past sins to good use...a way to help others identify with each other so that they don't feel alone and ostracized from everyone because they think no one could ever understand them. Catholicism reminds me that we are ALL deserving of God's mercy. Certainly, justice will come, but it's not for me to pass on that justice. My role is to extend mercy and help to others as I am able...how else can I expect God or others to do the same for me?

Often times, due to the way in which I now live, I find it difficult for some to realize that I can and do understand shortcomings. In fact, it is as a direct result of living so poorly before and due to my FULL awareness of my own stumbling blocks that I live so strictly in many cases, now. Unfortunately, that sometimes means people get the impression that I won't "get them" or will be looking down my nose at them. That's not it at all. Of course, I will always strive to help someone make the right decisions and choose the right path...absolutely. However, should they fall, I'm also going to be there to help dust them off and help get them back on track.

Humiliating them or "burying their nose in it" won't help matters and it's not the way Catholics "roll." Something that I love about our faith. Certainly, we acknowledge the wrong of what was done, but we also accept human failings and try to help that person overcome their weaknesses by extending a hand of forgiveness and help. Judgment is for God.

Just a few more thoughts from a great evening spent with a good friend. God works on us all the time...we just have to be ready to recognize it, even when it's in the smallest of ways.