Relationships

So, talking with my mom today, I started to realize that choosing to follow God's Will is truly looked at as a "restriction." I mean, I know that people think it's antiquated to reserve sex for the maritial relationship and to refrain from engaging in pornography of any sort, etc. But, still. It never ceases to amaze me that people without religion really and truly believe that those of us WITH religion seem to be holding ourselves back from something better. They have no clue that we have, indeed, found that "something better" in God.

When you suggest to someone that they ought to consider abstaining from a sexual relationship until they are wedded, they look at you as if you've just told them to eat brains or something. It boggles their mind. I've heard all the excuses, too...

1. What if I'm not happy with that part of our lives and I don't know until we're married, then what?

2. I'm not a child, I don't need to place those restrictions on myself.

3. I think it's perfectly healthy to have a good sex life. You don't need to be married.

4. As long as it's with someone you love, then it's ok.

Wow...I guess God really is lost on most of us. Granted, I went through my denial about it, as well. But I always knew it wasn't right. That intimate moment, that level of sharing should be reserved for one and only one person. I wish I had adhered to that way of thinking earlier in my life. Things would have been much, much simpler and probably, happier. But, at least I did learn from my past. I can now see the "lack" of freedom those choices afforded me.

Sleeping with someone who is not your husband only creates an unnatural vulnerability. There's an anxiety that can appear that actually consumes you. Once you've reached that level of closenes with someone, things change. Neither of you are the same. And, if you've given into it without any concept of what it really means, then it's an empty thing...something for your flesh and you miss the true beauty of it. Sure, it can be pleasurable without love, commitment and the bond of marriage. Of course. Otherwise, it wouldn't be so darn tempting, now would it?

However, what happens later? What happens to our self worth and esteem when we start adding up our partners? How do we feel later when, yet again, another relationship fails? You gave away something that person and now, they're going to share it with someone else. You now move onto the next thing and hope for the best. But, how free do you feel? Are we so insecure that we think no one will want us unless we are sexual? Is that what we've all become?

I recall that just prior to dating my husband, I had become fed up. Fed up with feeling like a doll that always had to be pretty and sexy. And, a doll that someone was always trying to undress. It drove me mad. What about me? What am I to you when it's just me, in sweatpants and no makeup? What then? What about when it's just the two of us - are we talking or just filling dead space?

My husband reminded me that relationships were meant to be special. That our bodies were meant to be treasured and respected. Now, we did not abstain always, but we did for some time. Talking about it later, we wish we had abstained. But, to be fair, we did abstain once we were engaged until our wedding night. It doesn't make our path the right one, but at some point we did realize that we should be waiting. Backwards, I know.

I wish more people would consider abstinence. Think of all the unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted diseases and general anxiety and low self worth we could avoid. I remember to before I was sexually active. There was an incredible confidence about me. There was a certain power in knowing that special part of me was being saved for someone worthy. We should treat our purity as a great gift and carefully select who will receive it. It's completely worth it and had I to do it again, certainly the way I would have proceeded.

Years later and almost 10 years into our marriage, my husband and I have come a long way. Because we took our time getting to know one another in the beginning and choosing to NOT make sex a major factor in our relationship, we now have a wonderful and strong bond. We are best friends and work through our ups-and-downs together...as one. We go through various periods of not being intimate and it's no different than any other point in our lives. We are committed to our marriage regardless of the obstacles. I believe a large part of our success is due to the fact that we not only respect one another, but we also respect our bodies.

Just a little something to think about. It's a hot topic and many people, even some Christians, disagree with my point of view. I hold firmly to this belief, however. The message of abstaining, no matter your age, should be something we advocate and vocalize strongly!